Corner of a Page

I lost my pen. Literally and figuratively. I know that isn't exactly an idiomatic expression, but if you knew me and what kind of writer I am, or what makes me tick as a writer, then you'd know what I meant. But for the benefit of both you as a reader and me as writer I am of course going to explain what I mean by that phrase. Otherwise, there'd hardly be any point in me writing this entry if I kept my thoughts to myself, now would there? But there I go again, rambling (if you can ramble on paper). Though this is next to freewriting---which is writing, no holds barred, the next sentence that pops into your head---still, I always love to put some kind of form, some kind of story and a definite point to my writings. Now that tells you a bit of the kind of writer that I am, now doesn't it? Yes I love a definite point, but I also like the words to flow freely where I can see them and scrutinize them and poke them with my pen and squeeze them out 'til all meaning I can and want to derive is made clear. That is why I need my pen. It's not that I'm a picky writer. If there was anything my college days taught me it was certainly resourcefulness and on the spot creativity. And that applied to almost everything. It wasn't just production for me. No, I could write on a napkin, a scrap piece of paper and I could still squeeze out a good enough line or spiel that sounded professional enough. Though for the most part I do like clean paper with lines as much as possible, and the type of music I like playing in my ears undisturbed. But I could just as easily do with out those writer's rituals as well. I learned to be flexible, having been dubbed a sort of go-to writing machine when I was in school. And so in my relationship with writing I had little demands. One thing I hated though was a dry pen. Something that wouldn't flow right. Since I always want my print to look as permanent as possible, I chose sign pens as my main medium for writing, unless I was on the computer of course. But still then, I would need a nice keyboard and a good clear font to get the juices flowing so to speak. Because I just want everything to flow truthfully without having to be bothered by typo errors, runny or dry ink.

It's not that I don't have good pens in my case right now. I have a colorful array of sign pens I could use. But I'm not gonna lie, colorful pens are a novelty and they don't come cheap. If I use them for good old fashioned writing too much I feel like I'm holding something too delicate and don't want to run out too soon. I need a space where I can spill freely too. The internet is too exposed, even this blog is. And a word document is boring and easy to lose or vulnerable to exposure too easily. At least here anyway.

I feel like Pippin. And no, I don't mean the hobbit in LOTR, even if I am a self-confessed LOTR geek. I'm talking about Pippin the prince of Pippin the Broadway musical (ha! how's that for cultural? and on another note, where is the CD of that we used to play at home?). I feel like I need to find a corner of the sky (note references to the song, here's where Broadway comes in), or a corner of a page, where I can write freely just everything. Words, stories, things connected in my mind that would make me make sense to me and the world around me. I need direction. And I need a pen to point me in the right one.